Lori Gotlieb, Barry Schwartz - Too much choice is not the problem !

Lori Gotlieb in her newspaper article ' 

How to land your kid in therapy

says            ' children today have too much choice.'

She recalls  ' As a parent, I’m all too familiar with this. I never said to my son, “Here’s your grilled-cheese sandwich.” I’d say, “Do you want the grilled cheese or the fish sticks?” On a Saturday, I’d say, “Do you want to go to the park or the beach?” Sometimes, if my preschooler was having a meltdown over the fact that we had to go to the grocery store, instead of swooping him up and wrestling him into the car, I’d give him a choice: “Do you want to go to Trader Joe’s or Ralphs?” (Once we got to the market, it was “Do you want the vanilla yogurt or the peach?”) But after I’d set up this paradigm, we couldn’t do anything unless he had a choice. One day when I said to him, “Please put your shoes on, we’re going to Trader Joe’s,” he replied matter-of-factly: “What are my other choices?” I told him there were no other choices—we needed something from Trader Joe’s. “But it’s not fair if I don’t get to decide too!” he pleaded ingenuously. He’d come to expect unlimited choice. 

She then quotes the expert Barry Schwartz  that well-meaning parents give their kids so much choice on a daily basis that the children become not entitled, but paralyzed, because they cannot cope with so much choice.

So Lori Gotlieb and Barry Swartz say the problem is too much choice. I believe that they have got it wrong.  It is not a problem of too much choice but how choices are given. 

A   Pseudo choices or Plan A –.Caregivers   direct children to a limited number of adult-selected options. Giving a choice still means ' Do it my way ', my way can still  be a  choice from  A, B, C, or D.

B   Children generating choices in the context of planning and problem   solving.

Ann Epstein – ' the intentional teacher ' says Planning is choice with intention. (Her words apply to the home as well as the classroom.)  That is, the chooser begins with a specific goal or purpose in mind that results in the choice. First we must differentiate real choices in which teachers offer multiple options (“What colors do you want to use in your painting?”) from pseudo-choices in which teachers direct children to a limited number of adult-selected options (“Do you want to use red or blue?”) But planning goes further than selecting from open-ended choices. When we engage children in planning, we encourage them to identify their goals and consider the options for achieving them. For example, they might consider what they will do, where they will do it, what materials they will use, who they will do it with, how long it will take, and whether they will need help. Planning thus involves deciding on actions and predicting interactions, recognizing problems and proposing solutions, and anticipating consequences and reactions.'

The process of collaborative problem solving means that the concerns of all parties are put on the table, the problem is defined , then  the parties put their heads together and brainstorm and generate choices and solutions that are mutually satisfactory.  A mom commented after she had been through the cps process that she felt it was the first time she was being heard. The process helps kids internalize a concern for others . Decisions and choices will  therefore take into account their impact on others. Kids learn to make their individual choices in the context of values like family, classroom of kids and community. Kids will become effective decision makers and make moral choices. 

Traditional parenting recommends giving kids choices as a way to get compliance. Because giving choices  is a clever way of imposing parental will , kids see the choice not as part of a plan or a solution to a problem but a chance for letting them express their counter -will ignoring the concern of others.

 

Kids will wish for or expect unlimited choice when they don't participate ,in real decision making , planning , problem solving and given the opportunity to generate choices. They will also have difficulty in handling choice.

Lori Gotlieb, Barry Swartz  - the problem is not too much choice but the context in which choice is given.

Allan

The importance of teaching kids - Planning and Reflection

Planning and reflection are important ' executive functions that are crucial to the problem solving process. Kids express their autonomy and competence and relatedness  when they plan and reflect .

In the following article Ann Epstein shows how planning and reflection helps to develop the thinking skills of young kids

 Planning and Reflection - Ann Epstein

'In order to promote child development , young children should be given the opportunities to plan and make choices. However, the guidelines, and in fact most early childhood programs, do not differentiate between these two activities. Planning is more than making choices.

Planning is choice with intention.

 That is, the chooser begins with a specific goal or purpose in mind that results in the choice. First we must differentiate real choices in which teachers offer multiple options (“What colors do you want to use in your painting?”) from pseudochoices in which teachers direct children to a limited number of adult-selected options (“Do you want to use red or blue?”) But planning goes further than selecting from open-ended choices. When we engage children in planning, we encourage them to

identify their goals and consider the options for achieving them. For example, they might consider what they will do, where they will do it, what materials they will use, who they will do it with, how long it will take, and whether they will need help. Planning thus involves deciding on actions and predicting interactions, recognizing problems and proposing solutions, and anticipating consequences and reactions. Most early childhood practitioners also recognize the importance of developing memory skills in young children.

Teachers might ask children to remember something they learned  earlier in the day or to recall an event that occurred earlier in the week. Reflection, however, is more than memory or a rote recitation of completed activities.

Reflection is remembering with analysis.

When we engage children in reflection, we encourage them to go beyond merely reporting what they’ve done. We also help them become aware of what they learned in the process, what was interesting,

how they feel about it, and what they can do to build on or extend the experience. Reflection

consolidates knowledge so it can be generalized to other situations, thereby leading to further prediction and evaluation. Thus planning and reflection, when they bracket active learning, are part of an ongoing cycle of

deeper thought and thoughtful application. '    Ann Epstein

Planning and reflection are also very important in the home.  Choice is something done in the moment , it focuses on one point in time. Planning and reflection give kids a wider time horizon focusing not only on the present but future and past. It helps kids deal with disappointment and frustration by allowing them to see a bigger picture and more opportunities than the present moment can give. We can help kids plan their day , their bed time rituals etc with specific goals in mind.  Kids , with specific goals in mind can make up their own lists and schedules. Instead of parents giving orders or reminding kids of their chores , they can refer to the list , that the child has made. It is not the parent telling the child what to do , but a list or schedule that the child has created.