Lori
Gotlieb in her newspaper article '
says ' children today have too much
choice.'
She
recalls ' As a parent, I’m all too familiar with this. I never said to my
son, “Here’s your grilled-cheese sandwich.” I’d say, “Do you want the grilled
cheese or the fish sticks?” On a Saturday, I’d say, “Do you want to go to the
park or the beach?” Sometimes, if my preschooler was having a meltdown over the
fact that we had to go to the grocery store, instead of swooping him up and
wrestling him into the car, I’d give him a choice: “Do you want to go to Trader
Joe’s or Ralphs?” (Once we got to the market, it was “Do you want the vanilla
yogurt or the peach?”) But after I’d set up this paradigm, we couldn’t do
anything unless he had a choice. One day when I said to him, “Please put your
shoes on, we’re going to Trader Joe’s,” he replied matter-of-factly: “What are
my other choices?” I told him there were no other choices—we needed something
from Trader Joe’s. “But it’s not fair if I don’t get to decide too!” he pleaded
ingenuously. He’d come to expect unlimited choice.
She then quotes the expert Barry Schwartz that well-meaning parents give their
kids so much choice on a daily basis that the children become not entitled, but
paralyzed, because they
cannot cope with so much choice.
So Lori Gotlieb and Barry Swartz say the problem is too much
choice. I believe that they have got it wrong.
It is not a problem of too much choice but how choices are given.
A Pseudo choices or Plan A
–.Caregivers direct children to a limited number of
adult-selected options. Giving a choice still means ' Do it my way ', my way
can still be a choice from
A, B, C, or D.
B Children generating
choices in the context of planning and problem solving.
Ann Epstein – ' the intentional teacher ' says Planning is choice
with intention. (Her words apply to the home as well as the classroom.) That is, the chooser begins with a specific
goal or purpose in mind that results in the choice. First we must differentiate
real choices in which teachers offer multiple options (“What colors do you want
to use in your painting?”) from pseudo-choices in which teachers direct children
to a limited number of adult-selected options (“Do you want to use red or
blue?”) But planning goes further than selecting from open-ended choices. When
we engage children in planning, we encourage them to identify their goals and
consider the options for achieving them. For example, they might consider what
they will do, where they will do it, what materials they will use, who they
will do it with, how long it will take, and whether they will need help.
Planning thus involves deciding on actions and predicting interactions,
recognizing problems and proposing solutions, and anticipating consequences and
reactions.'
The process of collaborative problem solving means that the
concerns of all parties are put on the table, the problem is defined , then the parties put their heads together and
brainstorm and generate choices and solutions that are mutually satisfactory. A mom commented after she had been through the
cps process that she felt it was the first time she was being heard. The
process helps kids internalize a concern for others . Decisions and choices will
therefore take into account their impact
on others. Kids learn to make their individual choices in the context of values
like family, classroom of kids and community. Kids will become effective
decision makers and make moral choices.
Traditional parenting recommends giving kids choices as a way to
get compliance. Because giving choices is a clever way of imposing parental will ,
kids see the choice not as part of a plan or a solution to a problem but a
chance for letting them express their counter -will ignoring the concern of
others.
Kids will wish for or expect unlimited choice when they don't
participate ,in real decision making , planning , problem solving and given the
opportunity to generate choices. They will also have difficulty in handling
choice.
Lori Gotlieb, Barry Swartz
- the problem is not too much choice but the context in which choice is
given.
Allan
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