Hugs and massages - leads to cooperation and trust

Dan Ariely shares some research on why we should try and respond to people's needs for physical contact.
I agree that this can help to improve relationships where physical contact is actually appropriate.

Some kids who suffer from SI or SPD - sensory processing disorder or integration crave for others to touch and hug them. . This calms them down and makes them more relaxed.  . It must be noted that some kids don't like to be touched and often react in a negative way.

Looking at the big picture it  seems that we all can benefit from a hug or even better a massage. A massage
increases the amount of oxytocin in the bloodstream,  and makes us more trusting , it also decreases levels of the hormones cortisol (released during stress) and vasopressin (linked to aggression and cortisol release).
'The contact makes people feel secure and safe from harm.
Being physically touched, whether with a kneading massage or a comforting pat on the shoulder, seems to encourages cooperative behavior.

So maybe we should spend more time cuddling up with our kids and having turns to give each other massages.


http://danariely.com/2010/10/15/looking-for-a-massage-%e2%80%a6/

Allan

Consensual living and beyond

Exploring Consensual Living


By Anna Brown

NC Unschoolers Living is Learning Conference

November 13, 2004

I came to unschooling from consensual living/attachment parenting. I found it the perfect fit. I know

many come to unschooling first and then move into consensual living, what some people call radical

unschooling. I’m not even going to try to offer any official definitions because we all know that never

works.

What I decided to talk about today is what are the components to our parenting that I think help

create a climate for living consensually in our home.

I came up with a lot of things but have narrowed it down to 5 to cover today.

1 - Trusting our children

2 - Golden Rule

3 - No punishments or rewards

4 - Tools and information

5 - Validation

http://www.ncunschoolers.com/ExploringConsensualLiving-ConferenceNotes.pdf

So what is Beyond Consensual living ?   It happens when kids and parents see the value in the concept of the ' family '  - that family members can use the structure of the family to support each other's autonomy , at the same time have family values and goals that family members as a group can pursue, and create a safe and caring environment .

Allan