Child Obesity - Unconditional Parenting and SDT self determined theory

In an article on childhood obesity Dr Arya Sharma quotes Whitaker RC (2011). The childhood obesity epidemic: lessons for preventing socially determined health conditions. Archives of pediatrics & adolescent medicine.

 He says that childhood obesity is a reflection on societal norms and values. The current way of living, consumerism-advertising, fast food and sweets diet ,  lack of community, and multiple stresses  contribute to obesity. Instead of following the conventional wisdom and target 'prevention' measures at kids when they are young, we need to change societal norms and values.

There is a lot of stress in the lives of kids. It is well known the connection between  stress and weight gain. The hormone cortisol converts muscle into fat to help us deal with stress, so strict dieting and exercise alone won't help if we do not change our  life styles  and reduce stress.

We also need to examine certain structures in society that contribute to consumerism and obesity.  The unlimited expose to advertising and unhealthy foods , especially sweets makes it very difficult for kids to make better and healthier choices .  Naomi Aldort says it is not about teaching kids to make better choices but rather creating an environment where kids can make choices.

'Choosing sugar is shaped by the addictive nature of sugar; it is not a free choice. When free to choose, the child knows what he needs. However, a child who “needs” candy or a movie is not free; the experience of candy or TV has created the illusion of a need. That which chooses is manipulated by the choice. The industry does a great job of manufacturing a sense of need.'

 In order to address the problem of obesity Dr Sharma quoting the  article  says ' both children and adults need to find purpose and meaning in life , which requires lifelong growth and development … autonomy , competence, mastery, self-acceptance, positive relations with others and transcending self through commitment or connection to something or someone.'

These words resonate with me , but I am afraid that one would need to read Alfie Kohn's Unconditional Parenting in order to put into practice  his suggestions.

AK in his UP book quotes Deci  and Ryan. Kids have the ability to make decisions in a way that meets their needs , they are equipped with a gyroscope of natural self regulation. When we control kids excessively – by using rewards and praise to get compliance- they start to become dependent on external sources of control. The gyroscope begins to wobble and they lose their ability to regulate themselves. Food consumption is a very literal example of this.

A parenting style that does not support ' autonomy ' will promote obesity in their kids, even if we provide   kids with restricted food choices and teach them about healthy eating. 

If we observe the eating patterns of kids over time, we notice how some days they hardly eat and then suddenly put away huge portions. If they eat something fattening, they will tend to eat less, or something   less caloric, afterward.  In terms of how much they eat then, children seem to have a remarkable capacity for self-regulation. Unless, that is , we try to run their bodies for them. 

In an experiment observing 77 kids between the ages of 2 and 4 and their parents, it was discovered that those parents who insisted their kids eat only during meal times rather than when they were hungry or who encouraged them to clean their plates, even when they obviously were not hungry, or who used food – especially deserts as a reward wound up with kids who lost their ability to regulate their caloric intake. Kids who had few opportunities to learn to control their own food intake came to stop trusting their bodies ' cues about when they were hungry . One result – many of them were already starting to get fat.    – Alfie Kohn  Unconditional Parenting

This claim – that people have lost the ability to self regulate -  to eat when they are hungry and stop when they are full – is the basis against traditional dieting. One does not learn to self regulate – eat when hungry and stop when full.

Another problem is that parents will bribe or 'incentivize '  kids in order to eat healthy food. In the Kefir drink experiment  ' good jobs '  and promises of reward  got kids to drink many glasses of this health drink .Some time later the kids were offered the drink without an incentive or praise  attached. Those kids who were previously praised for every time they downed a glass , now  did not touch the drink , those who received a reward had a limited interest , whereas those who did not receive any reward or praise gladly showed  interest in the drink and enjoyed themselves having the drink. The kids who did not receive any reward or verbal praise developed some intrinsic satisfaction and  motivation or a taste for the drink. Those kids who received rewards or praise initially drank a lot, but then lost interest in the drink.  – Alfie Kohn – Punished by Rewards

 In order to promote intrinsic motivation for healthy eating we should avoid any forms of reward, and  let kids participate not only in choosing food items but also help to prepare meals.

Structure - a tool of control or freedom and autonomy

Structure can be used as a tool of control or support the autonomy of kids or people , thereby letting them experience true freedom.

Baumrind describes 3 parenting styles  - authoritarian, authoritative, and permissive , none of them consistent with SDT – Self determination theory or ' working with the child'  approaches .

She recommends an authoritative parenting style and holds that "structure" in the family requires the use of extrinsic motivators and "contingent reinforcement," which she strongly supports.

'There is an  important distinction between control and structure.  Again, the people who tend to conflate those two are often either authoritarian types who claim they are giving kids structure but are really controlling the hell out of them, or extreme freedom folks who also assume the two are the same and therefore if we don’t want to control kids we must provide no structure either.  The third alternative, more consistent with the progressive education tradition of Dewey and Piaget and Bruner, suggests that in many respects, kids, especially little kids and especially kids of a certain personality and disposition, do thrive best within certain forms of structure – though not with control '      Alfie Kohn

Most people can relate how 'structure'  can support the need for competence in kids. When structure is created together with kids and not by teachers alone, they are presented in a non-controlling , respectful way as guidelines with a rationale and purpose  behind them , they are developmentally appropriate  and attempt is made to make them as less restrictive as possible , structure helps support the autonomy .

The existence of structure , limits and boundaries can be a condition for a kid to experience autonomy assuming that the kid does not experience  them as being controlling. The same goes for adults who adopt certain limits or boundaries in their lives whether out of a religious calling or commitment to certain values. They may have limited choice , but their choice to adopt limits and boundaries lets them focus less on ' quantity '  but more on quality and enables them to experience true freedom and autonomy.

A parent who provides healthy food and snacks can allow her child the freedom to eat as they choose. In other homes , kids are forced to eat their meals in order to get desert and this external control is a potential cause of obesity as kids lose their intuitive feel to stop eating when they are full and satisfied and eat only when they are hungry.

Here is an excerpt from a  Naomi Aldort interview -  Natural Life magazine – Ask Naomi , Freedom is not license  AS Neill  where she explains how limiting choice supports the autonomy and true freedom of kids . It is like providing him a safe environment , a park where he can play. Join the child’s exploration and follow his lead but don’t follow him into the “jungle.” He counts on your leadership. Take him to the safe park and then you can follow his path in that safe place. You are the leader who can see the distant view, which is not available to the child.

 Naomi Aldort - Structure , freedom and autonomy

Structure  and autonomy support are important in the school setting helping kids become self regulated life long learners .

 SDT - structure and autonomy support for school kids

Naomi Aldort - Structure is the way to freedom and autonomy

Here is an excerpt from a  Naomi Aldort interview -  Natural Life magazine – Ask Naomi , Freedom is not license  AS Neill  where she explains how limiting choice supports the autonomy and true freedom of kids .




http://www.naomialdort.com/

Freedom is the ability to be oneself and source oneself from the inside with whatever is or is not available.  Limitations are a powerful part of life that an autonomous child learns to use well. In the formative years, passive external stimulations hinder a child’s freedom to be herself because they become part of what shapes her choices. For example, choosing sugar is shaped by the addictive nature of sugar; it is not a free choice. When free to choose, the child knows what he needs. However, a child who “needs” candy or a movie is not free; the experience of candy or TV has created the illusion of a need. That which chooses is manipulated by the choice. The industry does a great job of manufacturing a sense of need. The fact that learning is constant and unknown to us is an argument against media and junk food, rather than for it; it is the reason we want to protect what the child is exposed to until his unique direction emerges from within and he is strong enough to stay rooted in himself. This is a question of timing. You wouldn’t let your child jump into deep water before he knows to swim. You would provide a life jacket and your constant presence. Likewise, when entering the “ocean” of the commercial world and society, children need “life jackets” until they master the ability to distinguish between what is valuable to them, and what is a seduction with long-term ramifications. They need us to provide the tools and the environment that protects their inner freedom.  . In addition, children are capable of making wise choices when they can witness the results of their actions right away. But they have adult parents to guide and protect them from anything that has a long term harmful impact that they cannot foresee. Naomi Aldort's son  Lennon speaking about himself says “I was always free to do whatever I wanted, and never pressured to fit into any group or social norm. Because of this, I never needed external approval of what I thought or did; I was self-directed. I learned to trust myself and to let my own intuition direct me and not the voices of peers or society” Considering that my sons did not have free access to media or processed food, the words, “I was always free to do whatever I wanted” are very illuminating. It is not license that children need, but freedom.  Much TV and junk toys and foods can be the cause of the child’s loss of freedom. I kept our home stocked with only healthy food and natural tools of art, play, and learning, and I stirred our family social connections with awareness. As a result, my children were free to do as they wished and didn’t experience restrictions. Oliver, our youngest, has recently reflected on his childhood, saying those were the most happy years he can ever imagine. He said he recalls getting up each morning and feeling overjoyed with anticipation for the day.  In reality, many things have more power than a child (or an adult). And, despite parental anxieties, the child is powerful enough to face this truth. There is power in recognizing limitations. An ocean wave, a car, the wind, temptations, anger, tears and yes, media and foods, are just a few examples the child may feel humbled by. The child does have the power to face her own weaknesses and to stay away from things – initially with your guidance and, later, on her own. We can avoid controlling by not exposing in the first place and by providing clear and kind leadership. Children yearn for parental guidance and are powerful enough to not always get their way. None of us can do whatever we wish, yet we can be happy, powerful, and free in a world full of opportunities operating within boundaries.. I have raised my children without sugar and junk food, without TV, and with a limited amount of toys. I exposed them a lot to the arts, nature, and philosophy. In their late teens, two of our sons tried junk food for a while and came to value healthy eating and lifestyle even more. The youngest is not interested in junk food even when away from home. After a childhood of organic, healthy food, they internalized a sense of self-care that was not shakable by peers and the industry. Same with TV. We have watched some videos of the arts and good film. When lodging away from home, we used to turn on the TV. The children would get bored after a while, having more interesting things to do or to talk about. TV has never become an attraction in their teen and adult lives. . Reality and society present many boundaries. Yet it need not take your son’s joy or freedom away. Much of modern life is not fit for a child. You will protect him from alcohol, coffee, sugar, gambling, guns, violence, commercial seductions, streets, drugs, ocean waves, crime, certain areas of the city, etc. You will also insist on him wearing a seat-belt in a car, a helmet on a bike, and other restrictions for his protection, or to accommodate laws or the needs of others. Your own life isn’t without things being off limits either and you are fine. Your son can handle reality and is counting on your management. Limits are opportunities. Gravity limits us, yet it makes life possible. Children discover this magic when we let them experience it; when we don’t offer a life of illusions. Create an environment that provides plenty to enjoy and explore that is not polluting the body or mind. When happy with what is, a child does not search for what isn’t. It is important not to live in fear of providing a context within which the child can be self-reliant. Happiness and self-reliance have nothing to do with the child getting whatever she wants and everything to do with freedom from commercial manipulation. There is no growing up without influences; it is up to parents to guide which these would be. Provide your child a safe environment , set the boundaries and limits which are age appropriate , then join the child’s exploration and follow his lead but don’t follow him into the “jungle.” He counts on your leadership. Take him to the safe park and then you can follow his path in that safe place. You are the leader who can see the distant view, which is not available to the child.