Sunday, October 11, 2015

self compassion

Self compassion is said to be one of the important skill sets that a person needs in order to become more reslient and get back on track after some set back or failure. Using mindfulness techniques we treat success and failure as information so without being judgmental we can go forward and solve problems

Monday, July 27, 2015

The Blessing of B minus - Wendy Mogel

Here are my comments on a review of Wendy Morgel's book – The blessing of a B minus.

 While the book is against parents who are controlling and over-parent, the so-called helicopter parents, the advice shared in the article is still focused on getting your child to meet your expectations rather than supporting his autonomy. An appreciation of Dr Ross Greene's CPS, will allow parents to work with their kids and set limits with their kids so both concerns, the kids and the parents are addressed by mutually satisfying solutions.

1 Mogel suggests freedom should be granted based on a child's demonstrated responsibility and accountability.

Why not work with your kid and collaborate so that your concerns for safety, moral values etc and your teenager's concerns will be addressed by a mutually satisfying solution.

2 Instead of critiquing everyday marks, appreciate your child's persistence and hard work,
Instead of Praising hard work and persistence, try to help the child focus on what he is learning and develop a love for learning

3 - You find it hard to say No .Work up the courage to say no, is Mogel's advice. You don't always need to reach a consensus.

Saying No = being controlling unless you have a very good reason is not optimal parenting. There is no problem in reaching a consensus if the parent's concerns are being met.

4 You do everything for your child
Are you doing everything what you want your child to do when the child should be doing what you want from them?  Or could you be supportive and helpful and promote the child's autonomy and interdependence.

5 You try to fix the child. 'Don't fret over or try and fix what's not broken.'
Yes, but why focus on the kid and say she needs no fixing and just say focus on your relationship and be supportive.

6 You talk more than you listen
Good advice here, she says parents should listen x 4 than they speak

7. You leap quickly into alarm mode
She says don't be alarmed if the kid does not make the hockey team , see it as a challenge , maybe be less controlling and say being in the hockey team is not that important.

8 You let your child quit quickly
This implies that you should be more controlling and not let the kid quit. Although she says that you should hear your child's concerns and consider them, why not try to address these concerns so the child will be willing to continue.

9 and 10 -You constantly compare your kids with others-   Your child has no time to play – no problem here